Relatable Notes

I never thought by falling in love with you, I would be agreeing to handing over the very limited control I have over myself. I thought you loved me enough to see me as someone to live alongside and not as someone to own and to supervise my every move.  Love is kind of like a flower, if you love it let it grow, but you have picked me and I struggle more and more everyday to hold onto the good genuine love I thought you once had for me. I have become too exhausted to stand up for what I want when all I seem to do is give up and let myself be walked over. I can see the emotional abuse crushing me but I'm too small to even know where to start pushing back. Although the bad days seem to over weigh the good, I would not survive the heart break you promised I would never feel again. And I will continue to pretend that you won't break your promise to me, because it's easier to be crushed by the person you love than to live by myself in my own head alone, because I know ...

For so long I have continued to only acknowledge the things you finally got right which could be considered bare minimum in any setting, that I overlooked the things you are obligated to do and failed to do as a parent. I am told that I will never know the love you have for me until I have a child of my own. Is it too much to ask that the love you say you have for me is shown and offered when I require it? I have never and will never dismiss or minimise the effort you have put into my person; you have cleaned up my messes more times than I can count. But for the few requests which I have sent in your direction, begging for your help and admitting that I failed, to be blatantly ignored and considered another lesson I am to be taught only for reasons which allow you to say "I told you so" is a clear lapse in the brief guidelines provided to you in 'Human Compassion 101".  Acting out of pure desperation and lack of ideas of survival of my own, I sucked up the little p...

Dear Jelly Bean, little sister, stubborn grudge holding teenager and best friend! I can't even begin to apologise for what you have had to see me put myself and our family through. I was and still am supposed to be your big sister, your rock, role model and someone you can count on and call on whenever and wherever! Everyday I am starting to understand more and more how hurt and angry you are at me for my actions including my blatant disregard for my own health and safety and for the position I put you in when I stole money from our mum. I at the time felt like I had to grow up fast because of the world I put myself in, but looking at the shit I have caused now I can see that you HAD to grow up fast and help our family because of my selfishness and disrespect. And I am so so so sorry that I caused that pain for you. I can't ever expect you to forgive me for ruining precious time that the spotlight should have been shinning brightly on you but I caused the attention to follow...

How many more times can I be pushed, molded, bent, folded or crushed to fit your idea of the world? When I can no longer be controlled, will you keep trying? How many times do you have to force the wrong puzzle piece before you realise it's never going to fit that space. It will never be what you want it to be.  I do not fit. I will never be what you want me to be. I can't be bent any further now that I am broken. You made me this way, but I'm not what you wanted. I fit my own space and it's not for anyone else but me.

To the boy who watched helplessly as his girlfriend died in front of him knowing he couldn't do anything to save her. To the girl who can’t hold down a job. To the man who can’t pay rent for the third week in a row. To the woman who lost her children to a liar. To the boy who had his car taken from him when he couldn’t pay back what he owed. To the girl who gets beaten from sunrise to sunset. To the man who can’t remember how old his daughter is when his cell mate asks about his family. To the woman who is sleeping in a bus stop after walking for days looking for a friends house. To the boy who thinks disrespecting his mum makes him cool. To the girl who brought a woman back to life after trying to commit suicide and was thanked with a broken jaw because she did not want nor need to be saved. To the boy who thought it was a bit of fun and who wishes he listened to them when they warned him how scary and messy it would get. To the girl who shouldn’t have had...